Baba, what would I ask you? (The abandoned child’s fear)

I fall into wild lost moments in my mind because I still don’t know you.

And I wonder if knowing you, would make this tornado of questions and thoughts stop.

Would touching your face close these spirit-deep wounds?

and if i did see you… what would I ask you?

Would I really want to know … why you never came for me?

Would i delete that question so that you’d not feel uncomfortable?

What if I ask you why and the sting of it pushes you away? But ti’s not my fault that you were not here. So why am I asking myself to modify my reaction to suit you… and then…

is that even fair?

Maybe you want to face that question.

Maybe you want to be baptized in the fire of knowing I desperately wanted to know you.

That’s the question…

will you join me in the flames of this pain of separation?

Will you clean my wounds with your tears?

and then can we sign this forgiveness with a hug?