How do you know if you are a good parent?
THERE ARE ONLY 3 WAYS TO BE A BAD PARENT:
- being abusive
- not being present
- giving your kid no boundaries or expectations
AS LONG AS YOU ARE PRESENT, JUST BE YOURSELF AND THE KID WILL BE FINE.
I can hear some of you saying, but some parents are better than others. Look at the bad ass children cutting up.
To that I say: Some parents can be more effective, but they still are not bad. They are just doing what they think is best.
NO 2 PARENTS ARE THE SAME. AND THAT’S GOOD BECAUSE NO 2 KIDS ARE THE SAME EITHER.
Most of you reading this will not beat your child, will not leave your child, and most of you have enough life knowledge to set some guidelines for your kid to follow. Your guidelines won’t be the same as other parents, but that’s okay.
YOUR JOB IS TO GUIDE YOUR KID INTO ADULTHOOD.
That’s it. You’re job is not to win some kind of parenting medal. There’s no parenting award ceremony. We’re all just loving on our kids the best we know how.
And remember, if you ever worry that maybe you’re not doing something the best way, the best thing to do is just reach out to parents who have already raised kids past your child’s age. I do that once in a while.
THAT’S ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH MOST CHALLENGES IN LIFE: BE WILLING TO ASK FOR ADVICE OR HELP.
HERE’S A PERSONAL EXAMPLE:
In my childhood, I wasn’t given the space to release emotion. My efforts to reach out when I had questions or fears were often met with rushed answers or even refusal to respond. That created a frustrated teen, who grew into a guarded adult who sought release from intense emotion in martial arts and boxing and on the gentler end, art and yoga.
Yea, I found outlets so Yay for that… but…
what that also created was a mother who was unsure how to parent a daughter and give her the right space to cry, to release, to express. One of the things I decided I wanted to do for her, was give her the power that comes from freely expressing and searching your own thoughts and emotions. I wanted her to know the freedom of crying to her mother and saying whatever thoughts she had openly without judgment, without deflection…
BUT I FELT UNPREPARED FOR THAT SINCE I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT LOOKED LIKE.
A few times across her life so far, I have reached out to mothers and fathers older than me who also had daughters, and simply asked, “How do I do this?”
So the simplest thing is: assess yourself and decide if there’s any advice you need.
BUT THE CORE OF BEING A PARENT: IS REALLY JUST BEING YOU.
Make jokes with your 3 month old if you’re silly. Sure the kid can’t really understand your words yet, but they don’t care. They are going to laugh at you anyway.
Let your kid hang out with you while you change the oil in the car or manage your business or wash dishes.
Whatever you do, let them join you sometimes. They love every bit of it. There’s no magic activity with kids. They just love spending time with people who gave them life.
