How does this compare to girls?
Mark Greene wrote “Why do We Murder the Beautiful Friendships of Boys?” but I feel that the research aimed at time, instead of the real issue.
The reason I ask how it compares to girls is that the research focused solely on the behaviors of boys and men, and makes the assumption that girls and women spend more time with their peers.
I disagree.
I think what is amiss is not the amount of time, but the way boys are socially to interact with their friends. From age 16 to 19, most girls I knew spent more time with their boyfriends or with one closest friend.
Even then, most of my peers had jobs and extracurricular activities, so more socializing occurred within that dynamic, making it less personal, but more frequent.
It was the same for most boys that age as well.
Next, the article says men also spend less time with their nonromantic friends
… but again I have to ask, how is this different from women?
It’s not the amount of time; it’s the nature of the time spent and the nature of the communication.
A good male friend of mine once admitted, “I talk more to you about the things that scare me and what I want for my future than I do to my male friends.”
As a woman who has an equal amount of male and female friends, this is a common theme within my connections to men. They often admit that our platonic connection allows them to open up some of their most challenging emotions in a way that they don’t get with their male friends.
So what’s the solution?
Should more men have a female friend they can rely on in this way?
Should boys be encouraged to be more comfortable being open?
I fully appreciate that more celebs and pro athletes are being more open about this very topic: admitting they feel and that “feeling” does not impact your gender nor your sexuality.
I feel there is a positive shift happening in the U.S. culture and I encourage us all to remind the boys and men in our lives that they are powerful and amazing in every moment, just as women are. And they have the right to … feel. a right to be afraid. a right to express love as much as anger. a right to admit being vulnerable.
In releasing that expression, you become stronger because you can get a more clear view of the situation and ultimately you have released some of that emotion.
