Since I'm likely older than you but not too much older to have a different generational experience, I would like to offer this...

In my early 20s, I was in a similar relationship.

For the first two years, I had required his 50% participation in the finances, but by the start of year 3, he had reverted to his habits from before we were together.

He didn't want to work because he wanted his own business. I told him that's great if you work toward it but I'm not going to support you financially by working 2 or 3 jobs and losing my time and energy that I need for my goals on supporting yours.

The goal of any relationship is: partnership.

Now one thing I disagree with you on is the assertion that most men are like this.

They are not.

In fact, as I was breaking up with my ex, I told him to look at his closest friends, almost all of whom were hardworking and not behaving like dependents.

After ending that relationship, I have never dated any man who was not fully self sufficient without me telling them to be.

Every man I've dated since had a solid financial foundation and was ambitious.

Now that I'm in a long term commitment with my life partner, I have someone who is similarly driven, compassionate, and we provide the ultimate goal of a relationship as I said at the beginning:

Partnership

So I want to assert that the important question for you and your friends to ask is: how am I vetting whom I choose to date?

and make a list of the things you need and the things you will not accept.

Long before I started dating my life partner, I had made such a list. It truly helped avoid the wrong connections, especially since I had written it while single and without any suitors swaying my perspective.

Wishing you a speedy trip from this draining situation into Empowerment.