What is marriage? In short, it’s this…
It’s an idea that differs based on the culture and the time the couple found themselves. But at the core of it all… is a choice to become … partners.
The expectations or nature of that partnership is what cultures defined and what we see in the present time… is a conversation about the changing definition of marriage.
It’s funny to me when I hear people arguing over what marriage is, as if believing their definition of it is the only acceptable one. Funny because even some of the most modern people, who have accepted new methods of communication, business and parenting… will be bull-headed about the way people choose to create “partnerships,” ie. marriage.
Argument #1 Don’t call her wifey or him hubby unless you’ve officially had a wedding ceremony. Yall are playing at marriage and not really married.
Ok, so let’s look at their daily life and compare that to someone who’s had that ceremony. Do they have a sexual commitment (monogamous or open?) Do they spend quality time together and respect each other’s time and space? Do they stand by each other in hard times? Do they support and nurture each other? Do they cheer for each others’ successes? Do they make each other feel more empowered? Feel loved? Feel secure?
Argument #2 What does that piece of paper have to do with anything?
On the one hand, I agree that you don’t need a paper to prove anything, but for decades and possibly centuries, much of the Western world has required this document for legal matters, and not just divorce.
Medical choices, secession of property, emergency support, etc were supported by who had legal evidence of a marriage. So the paper does hold meaning in a legal sense.
Of course so does a power of attorney and a will, which can be created by most attorneys, so a marriage license is only one option available.
ARGUMENT #3 IF YOU DON’T HAVE A MARRIAGE LICENSE, YOUR PARTNER CAN JUST LEAVE YOU ANY OL KIND OF WAY AND AT ANY TIME.
Baybay, let me tell you something. A person can leave you any ol kind of way at any time with or without that document. If you have a busted relationship, that’s not going to be helped by a paper.
A marriage or partnership is only as good as the lived actions
so don’t go throwing negative comments at other partnerships because they have chosen to develop their connection differently from yours.
BUT I WILL SAY THIS, THE CEREMONY, THE ACTUAL TRADITION OF STATING FORMALLY YOUR COMMITMENT TO A PARTNER WITH A FEW PEOPLE OR A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO WITNESS THAT BOND, IS A TRADITION WORTH CONTINUING.
For millenia our ancestors maintained that tradition because it serves as a reminder that each culture respected and honored the decision of two people to unite their lives and support each other.
I just don’t understand spending $10,000 on a wedding that lasts one day of your marriage. How about yall take 9,000 of that and invest in property or stocks and bonds, something that will generate income for many days of your future together.
AND ONE FINAL NOTE, I LOVE THAT MORE AND MORE PEOPLE, INCLUDING THOSE WHO HAVE MARRIAGE LICENSES SITTING IN SOME COURT HOUSE SOMEWHERE, ARE CHOOSING THE TERM LIFE PARTNER INSTEAD OF HUSBAND AND WIFE.
There is something far more honest and powerful about that, it suggests more permanence. Think about it. Boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, wife…. these titles are all equally capable of being temporary.
But when you state, “I am your life partner.” that’s for life! That sets the decision that we will be present and supportive and consistent. I got you for life. You don’t have to worry or fear, and neither do I. Because we’re in this together to be empowered, to be nurtured and loved.
THAT’S WHERE I FEEL LIKE MARRIAGE IS MOVING TOWARD… AWAY FROM JUST THIS THING WE EXPECT ADULTS TO DO AT SOME POINT, AND MOVING INTO A MORE NURTURING AND HONEST COMMITMENT TO BE PRESENT FOR LIFE.