Why are abuse survivors forced to do this?

Why is the victim expected to do the work of mending a relationship with an abuser when the abuser was a parent?

I know it’s not 100% required but in my own journey and many others I’ve worked with over the years, much of society tells the abuse survivor to share their hurt with the abuser… especially if its a parent.

“Tell them your truth.” the world says.

The goal is described as “healing for both of you.”

I am not responsible for the healing of my abuser.

I am only responsible for my own healing and my actions toward others. My goal is to never repeat the harmful behavior that was given to me.

Another way we are asked to do this is to set boundaries with the abuser.

We are told to define what we will and will not allow and then expect the abusive parent to “behave.” The idea is now that we are adults, we have the power to leave, we have the power to deny access.

What if I don’t want the abuser to have any access?